Life Begins at 30

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away!

The second quarter of 2009 is probably one of the craziest time for me.  As it was approaching summer, I had the opportunity to actually enjoy more sunshine in the Netherlands than usual.   I am not a sun worshipper, but living under grey skies for a good three months, made me miss all the sunshine I used to have living in the tropics.  Sunshine is a commodity here in Europe and from what I learned in the few months that I’ve lived here,  it is a must to enjoy it while it lasts

My second quarter experience will take you through my escapades in the sunnier part of Europe.  Take note that sunny doesn’t always mean warm here, but it could pretty much mean good weather nonetheless.

APRIL: Spring Awakening

While March ended with a quick getaway to Italy’s most romantic city,  April started with a quiet weekend in the The Hague. After spending a few weekends away from home,  it actually felt good be back.  The fact that I can stay in my bed longer than usual just does it for me.   Not to lose out on the beautiful day ahead, I found myself having a leisurely stroll along the Herenstraat,  enjoying the Saturday open market.  I picked up my usual stash of fresh Holland Tulips from the bloemenmarkt,  fresh meat from the butcher and a bunch of fruits and vegetables .  Visiting the market is one of my favorite pasttimes in Holland so I make it a point to go there whenever I can (which is not very often!).

As  the sun continues to gleam brighthly upon us, we decided to go for a quick drive to Scheveningen to bask in the  sun, and simply chill by the beach with a bottle of wine.  I am a self-confessed beach bum and I wouldn’t pass up any chance to enjoy the sun, sea and sand.  Having sand on my feet brings back very fond childhood memories. To this day, it makes me smile each time I dip my toes into it like a little kid.

Chillin' out in Scheveningen

Easter weekend was a little bit hectic. On Thursday, a good friend of mine had his surgery and I spent the day at the hospital with him and Dennis.  While waiting,  Dennis and I bonded over Chinese food at a nearby winkelcentrum.  It was really nice how I managed  to see a deeper side of him during the few hours that we sat in the restaurant,  just chatting about life in general and about past experiences.

We went back into the recovery room and waited another couple of hours until Chris finally rolled back into the room, half asleep and half drifting into space with the morphine shots he took for the surgery.  It wasn’t my  first time to deal with hospitals in Holland, but I still can’t help but shake my head in disbelief with how they expect patients to get up and go home few hours after being cut up.

Keukenhof Garden, Lisse, Netherlands

A couple of friends flew in to visit Chris and also to explore the lowlands.  For the rest of Easter, I spent time with them going shopping at the outlet in Roermond and went for a very quick trip to Keukenhof to enjoy the most beautiful spring garden in the world. Indeed, Keukenhof is one place you wouldn’t want to miss when visiting the Netherlands during spring time.  Later that evening, I boarded my flight to my dream destination — Greece!

The Famous Santorini at Ouia

I spent a good 9 days of pure bliss in the beautiful, sunny islands of  Greece, hopping between Rhodes, Santorini and Athens.  In the future,  I will chronicle my great Greek adventure in a separate blog, but suffice it to say that Greece is indeed one hell of a place to explore and experience, from cuisine down to architecture, it’s history, culture and simply the way of life on each of the islands.  It is so diverse, yet so much alike in so many ways.

Blessed with another one of those long weekends, we decided to skip the crowd in Holland and  pack our bags for  a spontaneous trip to the Champagne Region in France.  There wasn’t a lot to see in the region, but it was nevertheless a good trip. This trip was highlighted by the fact that we managed to see the caves of  Pommery and Moet & Chandon. Both have their own charm, but I prefer the Pommery one because of the contemporary artwork inside the caves.

Moet & Chandon in Epernay

MAY: Basking in the Sun

May was probably  the best time for any sort of vacation. The weather was just fantastic. There was enough sunshine to last throughout the day,  enough warmth to be able to wear light clothes without freezing, yet enough cool breeze to balance it.  I would say the weather in May was just perfect.

Working for a generous company has its advantages.  During one of the long weekends of May, our company sponsored a 4-day trip to the Ardennes for everyone, including our families, in celebration of the company’s 7th year anniversary.  In my whole life working for different employers, I have never been to such an elaborate family gathering.  For 4 days in a row, we had the opportunity to try out different activities both for the adventurous and the faint-hearted.  There were loads of activities organized in separate venues from mountain biking, kayaking, rock climbing, rapelling, tennis and swimming… or for those who simply want to chill and unwind, having spa treatments or enjoying free flowing drinks and a game of pool at the hotel lobby proved to be an equally relaxing option.

Rock Climbing and Rapelling at the Ardennes Spa, Belgium

As the temperature continued to rise up,  I found myself packing for  yet another spontaneous trip to Germany to enjoy a tour around the Rhein River.  This trip is truly one for the books.  It was such an amazing experience to be able to go around Koln and Bonn, both for sightseeing and also to party.  But what stuck in my mind the most is the part where I shared a huge villa with 3 guys who scared me to death nonstop with ghost stories, to a point where I found myself having a shower with the lights suddenly turning off! It was very tiring trip indeed, but really enjoyed that moment when the spirit of brandy kicked into one of our friends! Oh boy, was it sooo hilarious!!! (Hindi ko sasabihin kung sino, pero pag pinilit ako…hmmm… hulaan niyo!)

after The Climb!!!

Upon the suggestion of our friends, we took an afternoon drive to Konigswinter to the Drachenfels. No expectations whatsoever, not even an idea of what to see there, we put the address on the TomTom and off we go.  Little did we know that what was supposed to be a leisurely 2 kilometer hike around the park, turned out to be a challenging uphill climb that took us an hour to reach what seemed to be a restaurant/beer garden.  Surprised to see some strollers and little kids in the restaurant, we tried to figure out some mode of transportation from the top.  And then it hit us…  we were actually trekking the mountain-bike/hiking trail and not exactly using the facility for tourists with the funicular going up and down from the other side of the mountain!!! Too late, we were already at the top! And the funny part is, tired and lazy, we decided to descend the mountain with the funicular going down… and ended up on the other foot of the mountain, with our car parked somewhere on the opposite side. How we found the car is a story in itself, but we managed to find it with the help of the ever dependable iphone!

JUNE: Prelude to Summer

The weather continued to improve but sometime around June, it suddenly rained so hard.  It happened on that same day that we decided to go for a drive to the highest point in the Netherlands, which consequently is also known as the Drielandenpunt, a Dutch term for three land point.  It is that one place where the Dutch, German and Belgian border intersects.

Drielandenpunt

Like any other spontaneous trip,  I decided to pick London as my next destination to meet up with my good friend Kaye, who was planning to move to Australia.   I invited one friend to come with me… then it became two… then three… and later on, it became a team excursion and I found myself on a trip to London with 10 people, driving in 2 cars from Holland, and 2 guys flying out from Switzerland.  I have to say this was one of my best trips to London.  It was surprisingly strange to see London again, yet the familiarity gave me a sense of home.   It has been awhile, but when I saw the Underground and the Buckingham, all the silly memories and adventures came rushing back to me as if it was only yesterday.  Indeed, no matter where I go, London will always have a special space in my heart.

London, the closest thing to home

Looking back, I realized how much carbon I must have burned over the 3 month period that I spent traversing the different parts of Europe… and revisiting one that is closest to my heart.  Until the next installment… Summer is up next!

DISCLAIMER: This post is a lengthy one, so if you’re not keen to put up with this blabber,  skip the next lines of text and go grab a beer.

I dedicate this post to the people who touched my life in more ways than one. [Yes, that includes you!] Thank you so much for filling my 2009 with a load of good memories — for all the trips and places we’ve seen together, all the cuisines we’ve sampled,  every recipe we exchanged,  for every bit of adventure we shared, every fun event we had and for the laughters, tears and heartaches we endured and overcame…  for all that was and what has been… I say this from the bottom of my heart – THANK YOU FOR MAKING 2009 ONE HELLUVA RIDE FOR ME! I wouldn’t do it any other way.

Despite its quirks and uncertainties, 2009 proved to be  a year of many interesting twists…  one that I will forever revisit in my memory even when my teeth starts to fall off.  Indeed, it is not called a hallmark year for nothing.  It is after all, a year of emotional rollercoasters, of life lessons learned, of fervent prayers answered, of newly built friendships and rekindled ones, of new adventures and destinies realized.  Above all things, it was a year of renewed relationship with God, my personal saviour.

As we segue into 2010, I wanted to take a step back, reflect and relive how 2009 panned out for me.

JANUARY 2009: Say Hello to New Beginnings

What some people viewed as a promising start of the year, was to me,  a tearjerker drama as I bid my folks farewell at the airport. Until that very moment, it did not dawn on me that I was saying goodbye not only to people who mattered, but more importantly to my life in the tropics.  Maybe not forever, but at least for a very long time.  It was a feeling that I underestimated because up until then, I didn’t realize that moving to the Netherlands actually meant leaving my whole life behind, saying goodbye to the comforts and conveniences I have been so accustomed to, bidding farewell to friends and family, and the people I love. This was the most difficult part, especially on my last night at the hotel, when my friends stayed until it was time for me to go. [Guys, thank you so much for sharing that special night with me.]

14 hours later, as I arrived in the Netherlands, the cool winter breeze gave me a jolt that later on formed butterflies in my stomach.  Yes, I was nervous! Waiting by the Meeting Place for an hour prompted me to ask myself over and over – Is this really happening? Am I really ready for this? Heaps of anxiety came over me until the Taxi driver showed up and shook me out of my psychological battles.  Indeed, this is  for real and there is simply no turning back!

As I struggled to pull my luggages into the hotel room with every last bit of strength I had,  I felt a surge of adrenaline rush as the excitement of realizing that I am finally here sank into me.  I  couldn’t help but fiddle my way clumsily through the room to get my internet connection set up and chat with people back home. Yes, I was already getting homesick and this was only Day 1 of my European adventure!

Days turned into nights and I started making friends, mostly people from work who I’ve met at the New Year’s Drinks or in the office corridors.   Even before coming to Holland, I was already firm in my resolve to learn the language, no matter how difficult it seems, so I started attending Dutch Lessons, to catch up with the group who were already in their 15th Lesson.  Additionally, I finally met some of the Filipinos from the office. After a few email exchanges, we finally managed to pick a common time to meet for dinner.  They were kind enough to patiently answer my questions, stupid ones in fact, and even took me out for some Korean Dinner. (Yes, finally RICE!!! Seriously, one week in the hotel without rice was really a bummer!).

Being new to the place, I wanted to experience the thrill of commuting, so I decided to skip taking the rental car and just hop on the bus to work.  For a day, I thought it was actually doable.  However, on that fateful Tuesday night when I attended Dutch class, I realized that waiting for the bus after 6PM was actually the biggest mistake of my life.  Read: What kind of idiot would actually stay out at the bus stop for 45 minutes in -10 degrees weather? Obviously, what happened after that night is all part of history now. I did learn my lesson!

Little by little, I found myself adjusting into this new lifestyle.   I managed to figure out my exits in the highways, finally understood the concept of driving through tram tracks,  identify which products I needed from the supermarket and gradually settled in like a normal expat.  Also,  I found a friend who shared my undying devotion to Starbucks Coffee, despite its harmful effects on my stomach… and I learned that, despite having the closest and only Starbucks branch a 30 minute drive away from our office, there is someone who is crazier than me who is willing to go this distance to have a coffee fix!

FEBRUARY 2009: A Season for Heartbreaks

The second of February came and  I settled down in my own apartment! Yes, finally a place I can call my own – I call it my Aquarium!  Chris and Dennis helped me move in to my apartment… and for the first time, we had Chinese dinner at my place with Adam, Eric and Adona.

I had my first taste of clubbing Amsterdam-style on the first weekend of February, which taught me a valuable lesson – never believe Eric when he measures distances. His concept of nearness could also mean a good 15-20 minute walk on cobblestones with open-toed stilettos. (Peace Ejong… lapit lang naman yun parking natin nun, di ba?)

My first wave of visitors arrived in February, on the day of hearts. It was actually my second time to visit Amsterdam, but a first to try all sorts of things, including sampling raw ingredients necessary to make  Heineken Beer! Carlo and Evan’s visit proved to be one for the books. Why and how things turned out that day will not be revealed in this blog, but definitely, I will remember this day forever!

Heineken Tour

Chris' Birthday Bash with the GB

The following week, another good friend of mine came for a visit.  Unlike the big touristy trip the previous week, this was more of a leisure trip with clubbing as a big part of the agenda.  On Friday night we had some interesting conversation over wine and some fancy dessert on top of the Euromast, overlooking the beautiful lights of Rotterdam… then  later on partied like there was no tomorrow in Baja.  The following day, we both went crazy in Amsterdam, but you don’t want to know what happened there.  On Sunday, Chris and Dennis were kind enough to take us on  a day trip to Brussels and Brugge.  This was the first time I ever set foot outside the Netherlands! Indeed, this weekend felt like a marathon, driving back and forth between Brussels, Brugge and Schiphol.  One has to ask – what where is all this energy coming from?!? Finally, on our way home from the airport,  Chris put on a very interesting CD in his player — For the record, this was the first time I ever heard and understood how an Aegis song sounded like… I had to admit – it wasn’t bad at all.  In fact, it was meaningful for my emotional state at that time!

Rotterdam at Night

On a whim, I decided to join the guys for a weekend in Rome!  This was my first big trip with the GB  outside the Netherlands…  and I was so giddy excited about it.  I fell short of breath at the very thought that I was actually going to this big piece of artwork called Rome! Though short and really crammed, this proved to be one of the most tiring, yet culturally enriching trip I have ever done in my life.  Rome is definitely one of those cities I would love to go back to. Not only to revel in its architecture, its historical significance, and culinary offerings… but also to experience the culture, the romanticism and the life.

The Colloseum in Rome

MARCH: The First Signs of Spring

While the temperature was still pretty low in general, spring already started to show some signs around mid march.  Mary Ann, another good friend of mine, came over for a visit during this time and we decided to jump into a train adventure to Brussels. We met up with Val and Bernard, two guys I have worked with for over a year without having really met.

Brussels with Ann

Sorry, Ann had the pics with Val and Bernard so couldn’t post them here!  But it was good to finally put a face to the name. On towards the remaining part of our journey, we found that the trains were in a mess that day! Apart from the fact that they moved the departing station of the last train going to the Netherlands from Central to Noord (at least 5 minutes before it had to depart), we were also surprised that it was no longer a direct connection to Den Haag! What was supposed to be a day trip to Brussels turned into a long and winding train adventure that made me swear off train travel to Brussels forever!!! Call us unlucky, but sometimes, life plays funny tricks on us, right?

We spent Ann’s last day in The Hague at the outlet. We had a LOT of fun shopping, that she ended  up buying one extra bag to stuff everything she bought and brought with her! We drove straight back to Schiphol Airport, where Ann had to take her flight back to Prague.  It was cool day for shopping, and playing real live NFS on the highway with a red Suzuki Swift driven by this really cute guy. Aaaah yes, I am a girl afterall Before heading home, Eric invited me to come with him for dinner to meet the rest of the guys at this Brazilian churasco place in Scheveningen called Rodizio’s.  Being the “kaladkarin sa gimmick” that I was, I decided to come along since  I didn’t have plans that evening anyway.  That was the first time I met Sherwin, the last Filipino colleague, who later became one of my coolest travel buddies, shopping buddy, shrink and friend all rolled into one.

Venice

As the days drew on, the weather showed significant signs of improvement.  There was more sunshine… but also occasional rain in some parts of Europe.  Eric, the ever hyperactive traveler that he is, found a good deal on flights to Venice, and so I decided to take off for another spontaneous Italian adventure with him. As the rain continued to pour over the succeeding weeks,  I found myself soaked in freezing rain water, as I traversed through the narrow alleys  of  Plaza San Marco in Venice.   This trip, despite the horrible weather, allowed me to cross off one of the many things in my 1000-things-to-do-before-I-die list: To go to  Venice and ride on a real gondola.  Like every other trip, what happens in Venice… stays in Venice.  Indeed, I had a fantastic time with Eric, Adam and Adona in Venice.  It was an experience I would never trade for anything.

Finally,  I made it.  I crossed the line and I’m quite happy with how things panned out.  30 years on earth.   Who would have thought that I would make it this far? Looking back, I know for certain I had a good one,  I wouldn’t do it any other way.

Birthday Celebs!

I tripped. I stumbled. I fell. I stood up.

HP Manila Goes to Den Haag

I made friends. I lost some. But I knew, I won them over in the end.

My BFF!

I live. I love. I Travel. I Work. I Party. I Dance. with a PASSION.

The Boss, The Nanny and The Little Boy

Today. I mark the start of new beginnings. Rekindled passion for adventure. and an unwavering commitment to dance with life like nobody’s watching.

TMNS Team Pilipinas!

What started as an ordinary day for Christmas shopping at the Batavia Stad, turned out to be a very pleasant drive through the Markerwaarddijk (also known as the Houtribdijk), thanks to the intelligent routing system of my beloved Navigon.

The Markerwaarddijk (Photo courtesy of Noordhollands Dagblad)

The Markerwaarddijk is a 30-km stretch dike that separates 2 lakes: The Markermeer on one side, and the IJselmeer on the other side. The dike is part of the Netherlands’ 20th Century program called the Zuiderzee Works, which involves creating dams around the Zuiderzee and reclaiming lands using polders, as a way to improve flood protection as well as for agricultural expansion.

It continues to amaze me how Dutch people could actually conceive of this idea and build a long piece of highway across a massive body of water. Driving through a dike, with grass bordering on one side, and very low railings on the other side is a new experience for me. It was scary at the same time relaxing. What I learned is that it is important to really slow down when you see a huge truck coming on from the other side of the road. Trust me, it is not a funny experience! Especially for one driving a compact, I really felt the whole car shake and move backwards to the direction of the wind! But the whole experience was awesome!  I am completely at a loss for words.

Because we havent had our shopping spree yet, Xing and I agreed to drive through the dike and back, a total of 48 minutes detour, including a pit stop at the middle to take pictures. However, we didnt manage to make good photos as it was too windy and our hands just cant hold the camera for long, we had to come running back to the car to seek refuge against the windchill!

As it turns out, this Saturday wasnt too bad at all. We managed to check off our shopping list, both from Batavia Stad and Amsterdam, then capped the night with some Chinese dinner and drinks with friends at De Botterwag in Den Haag.

For over five years working in operations, I have completely forgotten the concept of a weekend.  It has always been long hours on weekdays and on call duties on weekends.  To a certain degree, I built my life around work out of habit.  Weekend, to people in the operations and service management profession, meant change requests, on call support work, project cutovers and server maintenance windows.  Yes, for quite sometime, this has been my life… Not that I didn’t like it. This was a choice I made for the love of my craft.

If there is one good thing about moving to the Netherlands, it is that I rediscovered the phenomenon called “Weekend”. In my interaction with Dutch people in general, I found only two topics of interest and one of them is about the weekend. To a lot of Dutch people (maybe not only Dutch, but Europeans in general), weekend is the highlight of their week. It is like a culmination of a week of hardwork and stress.  It is a time to be away from the pressures of the world, and simply enjoy a laid back time with the family.

For expats living in Holland, it doesn’t matter how one spends the weekend.  There is always something going on during the weekends, that it is impossible to let one go by without having done anything. Personally, my social calendar is never empty on weekends. I’m either whipping up something in the kitchen, doing some sporting activities, partying the night away without getting too wasted, raiding the racks at the fashion outlets, travelling some 800 kilometers and back for a breathe of fresh air, or simply chillin’ at the beach with a good book on a sunny day (which is very rare in this country!).

Even on a lazy weekend, I would start mine with a trip to the market on Saturday morning. This is one of the things I fondly enjoy but don’t get to do quite often, as I am almost always in another country during weekends.  But whenever I’m in Holland, I make it a point to visit the open market, which is 2 blocks away from my place. It is not only refreshing to have a set of new tulips by my window, but I find the whole experience of visiting the slagerij and bakkerij for fresh supplies, a therapy for homesickness.  Yes, it makes me feel at home here.

Being able to immerse in the Dutch culture in the little ways that I know, helps to ease the loneliness of living alone in this cold country.  It makes me feel like I am really part of this world now.  Don’t get me wrong, I do not wish to lose my identity as a Filipino/Chinese. I still hold true to the values my parents taught me growing up, but in order to grow and find my happiness here, I am also enthusiastic about really living the Dutch life – and that includes having a gezellig weekend every chance I get!

Saturday seemed like a long night of phone calls,  Sex in the City marathon with the girls, over a bottle of Italian red wine, chips  and cheese.  The wine that our dear sister Xing brought on Saturday night was a Primitivo, the kind that could knock you off completely. I know, because I couldn’t drive her home after finishing the bottle.  While it has this effect on most people, it usually has a very different effect on me – it keeps me unusually wide awake but not sober! So while everyone decided to crawl into their pyjamas, I was up and about. I spent the rest of the evening(morning) browsing, blogging and bugging my friend on YM, who was also working the evening shift for a big launch.

Finally, at 5am I dozed off to dreamland. I slept like a baby and woke up half past 1PM on Sunday to find the house empty and my iPhone dead. I hurriedly charged it up and unlocked the SIM to find several SMS’s, a couple of  missed calls and 3 voicemails.  Yes, I was dead to the world for the entire morning.

After returning a few calls, I dragged myself out of bed to start my day with some warm lunch.  I whipped up Nido Oriental soup (which was supposedly Chinese though my Chinese friend doesn’t know what it is), warmed up some rice left over from the Kimchi dinner the previous night,  and pan-grilled Spam slices for a late lunch with Xing.  Sunday  did not actually go by in a blur for me.  Though I never managed to step outside the house,  a lot of things happened to me today that really kept my spirit at an all time high.

Sunday is my Italian Day. Starting off with a long overdue surprise from Giuliana – I learned how to prepare proper Italian Espresso with a proper espresso machine and really really good coffee beans from Bari! Here, here, look! My verdict – mmmm lekker!!!

My Bialetti and Saicaf

After coffee, I had a hair dyeing session with my Italian colorist…and by 5pm, I felt like a new person wearing slightly red locks!

In the evening, we decided to do some knowledge exchange in the kitchen!  Giuliana schooled us on the right way of preparing Lasagna – the Italian Way! I was happy to be her assistant! I love Italian food!!!

Homemade Italian Lasagna by Giuliana

And finally, I showed Xing and Giuliana how to bake my popular Chewy Moist brownies. Buon appetito!

Chewy Moist Brownies met Slagroom

I have been to Leiden a few times before but never really seen the city.  Last Saturday,  I was priviledged to have spent an afternoon exploring Leiden with two of my most favorite people in Holland.    To say that I am pretty impressed is an understatement.  I would actually consider moving here, if given the chance!

Leiden is a popular University town between Amsterdam and The Hague.   It has a very rich history, one that I am very eager to know and maybe delve into, during my idle hours (if I still had some left!).   In the 16th century, Leiden played an important role in both the printing and weaving industry.   During the “Eighty Years War”, Leiden sided with the Dutch in fighting against the Spanish rule.  This loyalty paved the way for the founding of Leiden University by  William I of Orange in 1575.  Leiden University is an insitution amongst educational institutions, not only for being the  oldest university  in the Netherlands, but also for educating some of the world’s greatest minds like René Descartes, Christiaan Huygens, Rembrandt van Rijn, and many others.

So much like the little Amsterdam that it is known for, Leiden is also a haven for cultural exchange.  The diversity can perhaps be attributed to the influx of international students the world over.   One might ask, what is so special about Leiden that would make you want to move there?  Believe me when I say I could not offer any reasons, only feelings of finding home in this quaint little university town.  One has to experience the “life” that I saw in order to appreciate it.  It is simplicity, vivacity and beauty all rolled into one.  Because it is inhabited mostly by students from all over the world, being in this town inspired me think, to relive my ideals, and to really embrace life’s simple joys.

Exactly 10 months and 19 days ago,  I came to the Netherlands with my luggages in tow, curious as to the kind of life I will have in Holland.  Today, I look back and realize that in more ways than one, I have become accustomed or maybe partially imbibed what they call The Dutch Life… let me count the ways.

• I have a PINK Dutch Drivers License. And I love it!
• The yellow traffic light – I consider that to mean “Drive Faster!”
• I use triangles in the road to tell me if I must pass first.
• I have developed a liking for Frikandel (but only before I learned what kind of meat actually went in there.)
• I am eating more potatoes than rice.
• I am addicted to Griesmeel. (Thank you, Rina!)
  
• I actually own a horrible pair of Dutch boots,  a flashback of what being fashionable meant during the 80’s. (I’m sorry Giuliana, i know you hate seeing me wear them, but the boots are really comfy!)
• I am in love with fresh mint tea.
• My palate has become accustomed to less salty, less spicy dishes. (At least now I can say, I can find refuge in Surinamese food, as though it were real Chinese food!)
  
• I look forward to waking up early in the morning on Satudays to go to the open market
• I have become experimental with my “cheese”.
  
• I wear tights and skirt sometimes.  Go Madonna!
  
• I can pronounce Scheveningen properly (sometimes!!!).
• I actually keep a strippenkaart in my wallet for emergency purposes.
• I am getting used to having a separate toilet and bathroom.
• I know my geography a little bit. I can tell you the capital of each of the 12 provinces… doesn’t that sound so geeky?
• I eat tosti met ham and kaas for lunch, sometimes!
• I actually love Dutch music – Think Tiesto, Kane, Armin van Buren, PVD, Chuckie, Ilse de Lange to name a fiew.

Griesmeel, my current obsession

I can go on and on about this whole Dutch life experience  and how much of me is still  left as unDutchable (like not owning a bike!).  At the end of the day,  what really matters is that I still keep the same values and I am still the same person, only with more love to give. To all the Filipinos shivering in the cold Dutch weather, here’s my favorite Dutch band to give you some goede lovin’ – Kane – No Surrender

I wore my thinking cap again today and it made me feel good. Really good. After what seemed like the longest and darkest week of my life, for the first time, I smiled again. Not for any reason  in particular, but because deep inside of me, I felt better. My sore throat is gone, I didn’t feel tired, my head was clear, my heart is free… Today, I was at my best and it felt awesome!

What changed overnight? You might ask. I was deeply moved, if not touched by God’s grace. Not only through friends who have been offering me support all this time (yes, they are my angels, I don’t know what I’d do without them!), but also through the words of Bo Sanchez, my brother’s favorite writer. In his blog, he wrote about The Only Thing That Can Heal Your Emotional Wounds and I’d like to quote something that really struck my core. He wrote:

But when a person forgives, he’s like opening a window in a smelly room because one person stepped on poop. Fresh air comes in. If bitterness wounds everyone, forgiveness heals everyone too.

It is a very simple statement that holds a lot of truth in it. I had the chance to mull this over last night and I realized that indeed, I should not allow other people to control my feelings. Simply put, I can get angry but never let that anger kill me or my relationship with everyone else around me.

So this morning, I woke up with a renewed commitment to forgive myself, to love and to share that love with others. This is the start of my healing. Yes, I do not deny the fact that I am still emotionally wounded, but it gets better in time. I am certain of that.

True enough, when you release your pain, when you share your sorrows with people who care about you, the burden becomes lighter.  So light even, that you barely know it’s there. As I start cleaning my emotional wounds, I pray that God will also touch your hearts and heal your own wounds.

I always thought the dark, wet and dreary weather in the Netherlands will not have any effect on me emotionally. Or at least, I knew I needed to fight the psychological battering that comes with being alone in a cold country where everything seems to be lost in translation. Until recently, I thought that waking up to a Dutched reality only meant longer summer days in the beach, enjoying Surinamese cuisine as the closest excuse to honest-to-goodness real Chinese food, or getting fashionable with tights, boots and skirt like the late 80’s, early 90’s material girl icon popularized by one of my favorite artists – Madonna.

Maybe I am exagerrating a bit, but clearly this fall has paved the way for a nosedive on my self-esteem and sense of self-worth. It feels like every single thing around me was falling apart, ripping right through my core as if to say “you’re coming down next”. It is crazy, scary and at the same time emotionally unnerving to see this all happen right under my nose. Indeed, only in moments when you hit rock bottom that you realize that God has blessed you with enough cushion before the fall.

“I believe in angels, the kind that heaven sends. I’m surrounded by angels, and I call them my best friends.”
~ Pamela Daranjo

In this day and age, angels don’t come with wings. At least, for my experience, they come clad in Berkeley sweat shirts, A&F pullovers, or even in the simplest pyjamas with heart prints. They don’t offer judgment, only words of wisdom, especially when you least expect it.

During this moment of bitter sadness, I have felt their presence in more ways than one – picking me up at my worst, cheering me up when I needed it, and sending me mp3s if only to make me smile… It sounds trivial, but when you lose what you thought mattered, even the simplest things become a reason to celebrate.

I dedicate this post to genuine friends, my angels, my shrink, my life – Thank you so much for giving me a reason to smile despite the dark clouds looming in my horizon, for making me find my way, even when my world is crumbling down upon me. Words are not enough to express my heartfelt gratitude for all the things you’ve done for me. You may not know it, and I don’t say this often – but you have touched my life with your honesty, sincerity, love and compassion.  I cannot thank you enough.